Job 2:7-10 New International Version (NIV)
7 So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head. 8 Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.
9 His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!”
10 He replied, “You are talking like a foolish[a] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”
Sooner or later I would have to come to terms with the fact that God allowed me to get depressed. Just as how, whenever I was manic or hypomanic, He allowed me to be so, He also allowed me to be depressed.
I don’t believe He causes these states to come upon me but He doesn’t prevent them from happening either. He has His reasons and I’m ok with that. I don’t know what they are and more than likely never will but I’m okay with that too. I will have to endure those seasons because giving up is a most unviable option. Painful they have been and painful they will continue to be…but confusing, not so.
Simply because I don’t understand “why” doesn’t mean I must resign myself to being perplexed, bitter and angry. Oh how I have been perplexed, bitter and angry…at God. “How could He???!!!”, I think (screaming and shouting inside).
Lord may I rest in the knowledge that You are clear about what You’re doing. My life may seem to be “up in shambles” but You God are never caught off guard.
Similarly, time spent depressed isn’t time lost, I have the power to make it time well spent because He who is all-powerful is on my side. His word says that He is working everything to my good.
In those times, although I don’t feel like myself I can use any semblance of consciousness to my advantage. I can praise God because He hasn’t changed. If I happen to become incoherent, I perhaps will not feel God’s presence but He’s there.
When I am depressed:
I feel sad; the hopelessness is tangible
I feel unworthy of life: wishing I could “un-exist”
I hear voices berating me, creating a war within me which I feel powerless to fight; ashamed I hang my head low
My existence becomes as one waiting to die; seemingly I have absolutely nothing to live for…yet I am not alone.
Psalm 43:5 New International Version (NIV)
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
To life BD Compatriots!